What would it look like?

Jonathan Walton, the director of NYCUP,

always challenged us.

What would it look like?

As in,

what would it look like

if we did not offer money but rather conversations?

“change that they need,” as the MTA puts it.

what would it look like

if two Columbia students tutored two students who need help with their English because one is more fluent in Arabic, and the other in Nepali, Hindi and Dzongkha?

what would it look like

for a man who went through J.P. Morgan and Goldman Sachs to educate himself on the realities of human trafficking?

what would it look like

for a NYU student coming back home from an internship at Merrill Lynch and a drunk, scruffy homeless man to sit down to lunch together?

what would it look like

for a NYU student who has always envisioned the reconciliation of the church to be a part of the actual movement, and calling lists of churches despite her fear of public speaking?

what would it look like

for an international student from Beijing to learn to confront issues of racism and prejudice from ten year olds from inner-city, most likely underprivileged backgrounds?

what would it look like

for a confident NYU student with a history of child abuse to learn more about the sexual exploitation of trafficked children?

what would it look like

for 800 cases of food to be unloaded from a truck from the Mid-western region of the United States and given to 300 people waiting in line?

what would it look like

if a Spanish major who is Korean tutored a newly arrived immigrant girl from Santo Domingo and taught her how to read in Spanish?

it would look like me.

it would look like the 10 other students and 2 directors committed to making a difference this summer this city this body of Christ- this Jesus.

it would look like World Vision- US Programs. Love Kitchen. Restore NYC. Operation Exodus. Nomi Network. Merrill Lynch. Labs at the Earth Institute. New York Faith and Justice.

it would look like NYCUP.

A New Life in the Bronx, yo

Today we went to the New Life church with Orlando Crespo’s family. I really really loved the praise, welcome, and sermon…what I didn’t love was that the service was about two and a half hours. =P

Although the praise wasn’t perfectly polished, for lack of a better word, the words and heart were genuine. And Josie, the wife of Pastor Cole, prayed such a fervent and real prayer. It was very straightforward and loud, and I felt she was just crying out to God, never mind dignity and restraint. That prayer felt like 10 minutes long (I was very sleepy) but I loved every minute of it. The welcome was awesome too- by welcome I mean the greetings of peace and all that good stuff. Although the congregation was relatively small, I saw most of the them surge towards our NYCUP group and start embracing people like we’ve known each other all our lives. Big smiles, warm greetings and hearty hugs made my day. I’m not really a touchy person, only with people I really love and trust, but somehow I forgot that today. I really felt the accepting love of Christ in this church, and I pray that God continues to bless the congregation to bless others.

The sermon was about loving your enemies. Pastor Cole was a dynamic speaker and preached actively to the audience. Go on, brother! We read like two verses but he incorporated so much of the Word into his preaching…we saw that the Word of God was alive and not stagnant. I was also very blessed by his sermon, and also by the testimony that another brother in the church gave. He spoke about the Friday afternoon service the church holds for the kids at the park, and how others (i.e. non-believers) sit around in the same area and happen to listen. One Muslim man showed a steady interest, and so this brother struck up a few conversations with him. The Muslim man said that he would like to come to church sometime but that his family would disown him, and the brother asked us to pray for that situation to somehow be changed, and also to thank God for his mighty Spirit moving despite so many obstacles and barriers in this man’s life. Amen, Amen.

That’s not right. And I’m going to do something about it.

First day completely with kids =)

Cindy (a six-year old)’s remark: why do you speak in Spanish (i.e. all the time)? I had a flashback to the last time…Anya didn’t like that I jumped in her conversation with Joy (a NYCUPer) one time and asked her name in Spanish…she was somewhat staring at me so I wrinkled my nose at her to joke around and be friendly, and she looked at my narrowed eyes and yelled out “china.” Melissa who was nearby, looked shocked and hastily said, “I don’t like people like that” because she saw that I saw that she saw the situation. But I honestly felt weird that Melissa was almost apologizing/defending herself, for what, telling someone else that Anya called me Chinese? Should I even be insulted? I did feel very uncomfortable and on edge though…and then as I left the situation I heard her sharing with another SYEP worker what had happened.

But this time Melissa’s response made me feel very touched. This time when she saw my somewhat lost and bewildered expression (why do I speak Spanish? Because I can…?), she quickly rose to my rescue/defense, saying to Cindy, “Why you asking her that question? Cuz she wants to and can speak in Spanish.”

And to be honest I felt very safe and loved =P I think that Melissa simply saw potential hurt feelings and so defended me quickly but for me, it was like I was being accepted into her community. She is Dominican too and speaks Spanish as well as English, so seeing her support me felt like it was almost justification for my speaking in Spanish. Kids can be so brutally honest that it hurts when you do not feel accepted in that kind of situation. I feel like if I started speaking in Spanish to an adult and he/she was weirded out, he/she wouldn’t say anything but would have rather just tried to ignore me. But yes, it is a challenge to communicate and reach out, even with knowing Spanish, because I don’t want to give off the wrong vibe like I think I know everything about Spanish-speakers just because I speak Spanish too.

—Spelling with Mikayla, math with Kayla and Frangi, arts and crafts with Salvador, Kevin, Rohailin, play with Mikayla, Hailey, Hiandra, Jordan (Mr. Jones’ great-grandson), read with Georgina

The Love Kitchen has become so natural, comfortable.

Being with Mr. and Mrs. Jones, Mr. Eddy, Mr. Hardy. And more. I do have a terrible memory with names but I at least remembered some and remember distinct characteristics about other people.

Marshall (togo extra, cancer survivor who remembers my name), Gregory (togo special who has a very dignified but friendly disposition), Raymond (togo who has asthma- wheezes like a “stop smoking” commercial ad), Mr. Allen (togo who is a little suspicious/conscientious to make sure he gets “what is due him” even while being friendly), Angel Salvador (pastor in Santo Domino, I started the trend of “snapping gloves” in order to greet and bid “Dios te bendiga” as farewell to this man),

the really tall guy with the really deep voice who never takes off his sunglasses and hat, the guy with focused dark eyes and white hair in one braid/plait down his back who for some reason looks Native American to me, the tall guy who hunches and always wears a red cap and speaks in a mocking high/shrill/whiney voice, the tall athletic-looking guy with Albert Einstein hair and interesting shorts and beautiful calves, the guy who has eyes that pop a bit (so that you can see thin red veins on his eyeballs sometimes) and scraggly grey and white hair that peeks out from underneath a Yankees baseball cap, the guy who has a prominent bald spot but just looks like he’d be a decent guy whether he’s homeless or a millionaire, the mischievous, loud guy who likes to “dance around” Mrs. Jones and is likely the only homeless guy who gets away with it, the guy with a pot belly who always has a broad grin on his face and has a rich baritone voice, Mike(?) Quiet, reserved and dignified man who comes to eat brown rice and vegetables when no one else is around and always sits in a corner eating his food so…respectably? He’s so great and straight- as in he doesn’t slouch, doesn’t hunch over, doesn’t avoid eye contact, doesn’t get “too comfortable” with people and thus invade personal space, the guy who comes dressed in a business casual suit with a suitcase slung on his shoulder who speaks in concise clipped sentences, the guy who usually wears a “i love my mama” or “i love dr” shirt, the guy who apologized twice after calling me “sweetheart” and seeing my reaction, and of course I can’t forget the guy with whom I first spoke, fairly early on, and who discouraged me so much that speaking with him was my low point of the first week. So many more people I would instantly recognize and remember if I even had one detail about them.

We had dinner with Faith Huckle, director and co-founder of Restore NYC, and then we watched the “Very Young Girls” documentary together. The average age of entry into prostitution is 13 years old. This documentary concentrated on prostitution sexual exploitation, sexual assault, sexual abuse in the US, specifically NYC. First word that comes to your mind? Darkness. Chapped. Breaking. Unjust. Hopeful. 13 year-olds do not choose sexual exploitation, sexual assault, sexual abuse, and/or coercion. Look up GEMS.

Initial reactions of disbelief…and anger. New York City. Flushing, Queens. Look up state records of human trafficking.

experiencing storm, being blown away by God, having peace

First full day of tutoring Suman- 15 year old Nepali boy who recently came to America last year (already speaks Hindi, Nepali, and a Bhutan language whose name I can’t recall)- smart but unmotivated to work hard to keep up…he’s already failed 7^th grade so he’s in summer school to make up for the year, but apparently the school system is such that he is going to be automatically placed in 8^th grade…which I think is a terrible idea. That will just be detrimental to him =(

I think some people were asking about my schedule, and recently it makes more sense, so I guess a more regular/ideal schedule would be something like this-

10:00-10:45 helping to label, categorize and stack books

10:45-11:45 tutoring Suman

11:45-12:15 lunch break

12:15-1:30 helping out with “academic enrichment” program

1:30-2:00 tutoring Suman

2:00-2:30 helping with the kids

2:30-4:00 tutoring Winnifer (when she comes =P)

4:00-6:00 Love Kitchen

Small Group and Prayer time- Mark 4:35-41.

1. Storm in my life? Oh yes, when I “misplaced” my green card and almost broke down mentally, the night before leaving for missions the next day. 2. Blown away by Jesus’ response to our prayers? Oh yes, fundraising. I needed 3300, received 140% of what I needed…you can do the math =) God is awesome!

And I just think it’s very interesting that it says that Jesus was sleeping during the midst of all this panic and (most likely) hysteria, because it shows his complete trust and calm despite everything going around him. It especially spoke to my heart this time, even after reading it for the umpteenth time tonight, because I was reminded of the restless sleep and countless nightmares I had during my depression. During that time, I had no peace and I had no hope, and so even sleep, my usual friend and comforter, did nothing to mollify the deadness of my heart at the time. If you don’t know about my sleeping habits, it’s basically that I can fall asleep in less than 5 minutes basically anywhere and I will stay asleep until I really do need to get up (and usually beyond that). So yes, God has changed me and has been so faithful even in things like sleep which I absolutely almost always take for granted. It’s just a gift I have for sleeping, can’t explain it any other way =) He’s given me peace and joy and I hope that the next time a critical/dangerous situation occurs, I can remember His grace and understand that He is so much more bigger and more powerful than any of my problems and find my hope and restoration in Him alone.

Brooklyn Tabernacle

We went to Brooklyn Tabernacle today. I really liked the pastor and the sermon about how Christians will be persecuted and hated in this world if we are truly of Christ and not of this world- remembering that “we are in this world, not of this world.”

My high and low points during family time- my high is “smiley” and low was my fear of approaching homeless people- mostly due to fear of offending them, but basically a selfish fear as I’m afraid they will judge me somehow, another high is getting to be exposed in front of one another during that dinner with NYCUP alum and hearing how God is working through people’s lives.

Two sisters’ low point of the week both had to do with the sermon at Brooklyn Tabernacle today—both were very offended and upset with pastor’s delivery of sermon especially as they both have many non-Christian friends (and in one sister’s case, non-Christian family members) so they felt attacked when the preacher talked about “them” and “us” (setting up a dichotomy between believers and non-believers) and it felt like an “ugly thing” instead of allowing people like the sisters to have dignity in their relationships. They felt like the preacher was saying that they weren’t being Christian enough if they and their faith could be actually accepted by those around them- it seemed to be such a harsh disparity between Christians and non-Christians, basically. And also, it was “hateful” to non-Christians and didn’t really reach out to them, and one sister was saying how she would never bring her non-Christian friends there. Jonathan was explaining his background of going to church in Virginia and how the piano-player might be high and the usher might be drunk and how the preacher needs to yell to almost ensure/enforce that people hear him, and how the delivery has to do with the history and background of the majority of the congregation, because that’s how the congregation hears, understands and accepts the truth. He also spoke about how different churches have different styles because they serve different congregations with different needs. Jonathan’s idea is that the challenge and reaction to feeling so uncomfortable and upset is to…stay. To stay? Yes. To stay. And duke it out. You’ll never know what it’s truly like otherwise…

I was very blessed by Sharon’s words- connecting her own experience with having non-Christian friends but also gently and lovingly rebuking/cautioning the two sisters to be careful about letting things get too personal, because Jesus did say those words and this pastor is ordained by God himself and thus is a pastor for a reason and we must respect that at the very least. She even spoke about how God uses the foolish to shame the wise (didn’t really agree with this part but at the very least she was talking about respecting the pastor as a man of God) and that he serves that predominantly black congregation at Brooklyn tabernacle for a reason- if even one person received grace from that sermon, then praise God. God is good and knows what he is doing, even when we don’t. I think just watching Sharon speak truth into these two sisters’ life without being overbearing, pompous, judgmental or anything was a real blessing and inspiration to me to do the same.

I was almost about to say something but I’m glad I didn’t because I just always feel a need to interfere almost and talk just to talk…but it’s better to be silent in truth than to blabber on =P

My own reaction was that I have honestly really never reconciled myself to the “white” church…or in any case never really interacted with white Christians, but I was really blessed today- I felt that Pastor Simbala (who by the way is like Scandinavian or something) really embraced and was embraced by the predominantly black community/congregation at church, and that first of all was a blessing, even though these two sisters kept saying that the message of Jesus had been oversimplified by Simbala.

But I do think that it is very simple, actually, it’s just hard to put into our terms and try to live it out. I mean, God is Jesus and God is Love, so Jesus is Love. That love overflows- so that we end up sharing the Gospel, whether it may be through words, deeds, or both, and some might poke fun, be offended, be disturbed, or whatever. And then we must find a balance between sharing the gospel and “being considerate” of the other person…I mean, clearly with a ex-Christian turned atheist you don’t want to preach fire and brimstone but you still want to at least portray the gospel in the light God has given you, but you also don’t know when that person will die so you want to let him/her know the truth, simple and unadulterated, before it is too late…but I definitely have a problem with being straightforward and earnest without being obnoxious as well, particularly as I can be very extreme- a people pleaser or a real butthole =) Actually I don’t know if I went off on a tangent…my bad. It’s 2:30 AM on a Monday 7/20…nice way to start the day! I feel exhausted but happy and slightly delirious =)

I really don’t want to be complacent and comfortable but I want to challenge myself and BAM trust that God will give me strength and courage to do His work.

I heard some noise like at 2 AM, didn’t exactly sound like a gunshot, sounded louder, more like a homemade cherry bomb or something like that? But anyways I just thought that we should take it as a reminder to pray (finally) for this community as well, as we learned on missions, to pray for each place/home we enter, to pray for our nycup community (people) and house and greater community (people and location) of Washington Heights as well and the spiritual, mental and physical well being of all of its inhabitants.

chaos–>deeper relationships & true community

Lisa Harper, the director of New York Faith and Justice, came this morning/afternoon to talk about shalom…and true community. We also talked about the four main stages of building community: pseudo-community, chaos, deeper relationships, and true community. The first stage, pseudo-community, has to do with the superficial relationships that we form based on mutual interests, likes, dislikes, whatever it may be, and then comes chaos, which really tests how we deal with conflict. We went around the table sharing how we usually deal with conflict, and the most common answer was either “I don’t deal very well with chaos/conflict, so I usually ignore it” or “I don’t usually experience chaos/conflict.” It was interesting to think about because I personally am such a people-pleaser that I would normally say the first answer, but these past two years or so I have become much more assertive and clear and confrontational, usually in a healthy way but I do overdo it at times.

But I disagreed with the second answer that people gave- because I think everyone experiences conflict at least some time in a relationship, whether it’s a friendship or a dating relationship or marriage, whatever it may be. Conflict isn’t necessarily fighting, but even still, I had to speak up (exhibit A of my new assertiveness) and say that the reason why I personally think that relationships get stronger through dealing with conflict is because chaos exposes the ugly side of people. When both people in any kind of relationship are exposed to each other in this way and are able to still deal with and love each other enough to want to work out the problems and move on into a deeper relationship, then that shows the love of Christ right then and there. And then when all these individual relationships are brought together in a single context of time and space, then true community starts forming and becomes stronger, with each new healing that comes from reconciliation. The important thing to remember, as Lisa pointed out, is that “chaos is not prescriptive [for deeper relationships] but descriptive,” meaning that chaos is inevitable. So it’s not a question about if chaos arises but when, not about whether chaos has to occur but that it will occur, and the response to chaos  is what determines community, or lack thereof.

We had dinner with several NYCUP alums and I was grateful to be able to sit and eat with one of them in particular. This sister had been having a very difficult time in being Christian, meaning accepting the truth of Jesus and rejecting all the rest, because she didn’t want to condemn anyone, basically. But I was very blessed by her vulnerability with me and the three other current NYCUPers who were all eating together. I was so glad that we had a chance to talk, especially as one sister and I shared our basic testimonies during the course of the meal and discussion, and I think she was at least a bit encouraged by the accounts of our personal struggles (and triumphs, through God’s grace) with religion and life in general too =)

We then watched “Amazing Grace,” which was about William Wilberforce, this crazy crazy abolitionist dude who basically single-handedly destroyed slavery in England. Enough said. Look him up or see the movie, please don’t miss out. =)

God’s calling me? How?

I had seen them a couple times before but I didn’t really realize what the presence of youngsters clad in uniform green t-shirts meant- a short term missions trip to evangelize in the Bronx/Washington heights area- I remember just thinking “But they’re so young…what do they think they can do?” and then I remembered my own short term missions trip to Philly this past spring break- I mean, at the very least we were college students, but even still…we’re so young! What did we think we could do? But how could I doubt God’s power? Am I already forgetting that verse which always speaks so powerfully into my life? “Do not let anyone look down on you because you are young…set an example for the believers in speech, truth…” (Timothy) Did I not experience God’s grace moving through our missions team, made of 7 students from Columbia University, 2 students from Rutgers University, and 9 students from Indiana University? And also through our extended missions family, around 40 students from 4 different campus ministries from Cornell University? Why is my memory so inept? How can I forget about God’s grace all the time??? Ahhhh but I suppose I should be grateful for this chance to reflect upon that missions trip…mmm it was such a happy blessed time…Praise the Lord! PTL! =)

Dinner with Jimmy (Goldman Sachs, J.P. Morgan, World Vision, Chair of board of Restore NYC) and Christine Lee (pk, Intervarsity staff, All Angels’ Church spiritual director).

Christine talked about the Korean church and “racial reconciliation.” She grew up as a Korean pastor’s daughter and then later on become staff for Intervarsity, a multiethnic Christian campus ministry. It was so exciting to hear the things she was saying because I too am a Korean pastor’s daughter and want to know how to better integrate with the greater Christian community and really reach out to different ethnicities. While it has its strengths of generally being tight-knit and having a predetermined structure and procedures, the Korean-Christian community needs to be more attentive to reach out to others instead of always building unity within the group, because that can tend to lead to exclusivity and complacency.

Jimmy talked about finding a balance between interest and gifting and calling (what you want to do, what you are good at, what God calls you to do). So it just made me really think about my future, even though I am relatively still very young. And it’s always been difficult for me to discern what God calls me to do, because I have a very particular and precise conscience which bothers me all the time. So I still don’t know whether I am just oversensitive or am sensitive to the Spirit…=P Jimmy also talked about how a church is a dynamic community that should not be a place that is completely comfortable for you, because then you are not growing and being challenged to truly love and embrace everyone, etc.

Christine then talked about Jimmy’s college journals about how he was always asking what he should do for God or something like that, I guess I was just inspired to really try to be more faithful in journaling my thoughts or whatever because I need to see how faithful God is and how easily I lack the motivation and inspiration to trust and be faithful to him…God loves me…so much more that I deserve!!! =)

I think it just reminded me of the story I told to almost all of my students in the Far East, the one about the praying Pharisee and, as I like to describe him, the “broken man”. It’s not about me trying to present myself and my talents to God and trying to prove myself or show that I deserve His awesome power and grace, but it’s rather about me being broken in front of God and letting my guard down in front of Him and trusting that He will love, nurture, motivate, bless and provide for me in the only way that is good. Even in doing this blog or whatever, the focus shouldn’t be on me, but rather I would hope and pray that God’s light shines through even these simple words of mine.

Smiley?

So I walked today into the Love Kitchen, and Mr. Jones greets me with a smile- “Hi, Smiley!” And then I’m thinking, “Hey, that’s cool man” and I was so pleased with even that. But then Mrs. Jones calls me Smiley too with a big smile..and that just completely made my day. Mrs. Jones, for those of you who don’t know, is one tough cookie. Because I’ve heard about some of the struggles and hardships she has had to face, I can’t judge her for being (in my naïve perspective) harsh and blunt at times with people who come into the Love Kitchen. Having heard bits and pieces of the early days of trouble and roughhousing at the Love Kitchen just makes me respect Mr. and Mrs. Jones and Eddy all the more, but I especially respect Mrs. Jones as a woman who stuck to her volunteering despite no pay and little gratitude. But not even winning her respect or capturing her attention competes with feeling loved and feeling like I belong in the Love Kitchen.

Pantry Day- In the early afternoon Joy, Winston and I helped Mr. Jones, Eddy and Hardy with helping prepare various bags of food, which contained various combinations of cereal, milk and frozen vegetables or canned goods or rice, so on and so forth. As we were packing bags, the thought suddenly occurred to me that if I was poor and felt stigmatized, I would probably fall into either extreme of mentally collapsing under duress and feeling desperate to do anything or I would be really pissed off and hate life and people and not want any help whatsoever. Perhaps that is just my own extreme mindset about poverty, but either way, I think I would feel like I could do nothing about my circumstances. And above all, I would really be turned off by any kind of patronizing attitude.

I don’t know if I’m just over-thinking about this issue or being over-sensitive, but because I have so many of these thoughts in my head it’s hard to know what to do about them, most of the time.

Tonight NYCUP 09 was eating dinner at Love Kitchen, and all I could think of was…um and what am I doing? Eating in the corner avoiding talking to anyone…I’m already burnt out from speaking with homeless people? Are they just a label to me? Why am I doing this internship, did I not write passionate and fiery words about the lack of justice and what I have to offer to right the wrongs of this world? Do I look down upon them? How dare I. When Jesus himself did not think it above himself to speak and eat and spend time with and pray for the outcasts of society. How can I love them and have a heart to pray for them if I think that there is somehow an innate superiority that I have over them? Can I imagine myself in such a circumstance? Or way of life? Would I not feel stigmatized and angry that people treat me a certain way or look at me with a certain pity or disgust or indifference? How can I say that I know the truth and freedom of the Gospel when prejudices and mindsets chain me to my comfort zone? How can I say I am living out the Gospel in His light when I am cowering due to my lack of love and feel afraid that I will be exposed for who I truly am: a proud, selfish hypocrite…

Break me and Expose me for who I truly am

Today was sort of an up and down day. To be honest, I am starting to struggle once again with my insufficient reservoir of love, with one NYCUPer in particular. This person’s personality is so matter-of-fact and brooks no argument…which is one of my biggest pet peeves. To put it simply, I think the person is pompous and a total butt, even if that person doesn’t think so or isn’t aware. I’ve actually already addressed/confronted the person about this issue, and even the reaction frustrated me. Even though we as Christians are called to love, first and foremost, I definitely do not have love for this person as of now. And how can I love others outside of my community if I do not even love my own family, the body of Christ? If even I as a Christian do not love others for no reason except the overflowing love of Christ within me, what makes me any different from non-Christians? I am struggling to be true to myself (avoid the person to avoid conflict…can’t click with everyone, right?) and my faith (love and truly embrace the person despite personality clashes).

Also, I had been feeling a bit useless and therefore sorry for myself at MBC (Manhattan Bible Church). There was a surplus of workers from SYEP, so I let them be more involved with helping with the summer “academic enrichment” program we’re doing, and then I found myself somewhat displaced. I kept thinking: Did I really just give up my summer and challenge myself to fundraising 1500 (after already receiving 140% of needed support for missions) and commit to an internship without knowing everything and being prepared in advance? How self-centered and narrow-minded is that kind of thinking! And yet I kept on doing it.

BUT today I think was the first day I felt I was making a difference. I worked mostly with the kids today, and we did more hands on activity [e.g. reading together, math drills, arts and crafts, free time, science activity] with kids like Georgina, Michelle, Cindy, Frangibell, Franchelli, Salvador (so so so cute!). It was such a blessing to be a part of these kids’ lives…I hope (like how Anel was saying yesterday) that I can be a light to these kids and show them love not because I personally like/approve of them or enjoy spending time with them but because Jesus commands us to love one another.

In the Love Kitchen today, we were talking with Mr. Eddy about how he used to be the “invisible man.” He spoke with a grimace on his face about how people with two full grocery carts would go right by him without so much as a glance, a smile, friendly word, or best of all any food for him. After the main surge of “customers,” he slapped down a rag all of a sudden and said that he learned in a pottery-making class that the clay is slapped down, chopped and kneaded again and again in order to toughen it up and make it stronger, and how God does the very same thing to us =)

Lisa Harper, the director of New York Faith and Justice (which does what exactly?)- came to the house and was speaking about Foster’s book about solitude, which I actually hadn’t been able to read on time. We learned that that those who are more inclined to seek socializing should find quiet time, and that those who tend to isolate themselves should seek community. It was ironic because I was just thinking that I feel so dapdaphae at times because I want time to myself to be able to reflect and think without the influence or distraction of 12 other people =P We also talked about how one can be silent without being quiet, what “solitude of the heart” means and the “dark night of the soul” is inevitably something that breaks all great leaders in order that they may find God in the midst of the broken pieces of our lives, who is the light and our salvation.

Sharing hearts =)

So today I supervised Anel and Justin today at I.S. 218, and I was really impressed and encouraged by their determination and commitment to the kids and the program despite the struggles to maintain order in the classroom at times. Seeing Anel and Justin in action was awesome- they were building up community values in the kids while maintaining a loving but disciplining heart.

I was happy I had a chance to speak more with Anel as well. It seemed like such a God-provided coincidence that she also knows about human trafficking and child soldiers and is passionate enough to want to do something right away. We were discussing how no one really knows about the existence of human trafficking and child soldiers. It was a blessing to be able to share about my heart for the victims of human trafficking and to hear about her heart for rehabilitated child soldiers and orphans, specifically in Uganda. She was telling me how she thought that the sole purpose for her past missions trip to West Virginia was to watch the documentary “Invisible Children” and have a burden for those in Uganda. Specifically as a medical missionary, as she desires to become a medical doctor. It was amazing to speak to a sister with the same heart.

God is so good. I met two girls named Hiandra and Winifer today, along with their mum, Adamilka(?). They recently came to the US from the Dominican Republic. I tutored the younger girl, Winifer, who has the biggest eyelashes I’ve ever seen and an adorable, giggly, “pleasantly plump” personality…hope I didn’t offend anyone there =P And I actually had a chance to talk to her mum for a bit- I introduced myself and then we got to talking about how I (most likely will) study Spanish as a major, and then we got into cliques and cultures, dominicana vs. coreana, and discrepancies and prejudices. We basically talked about the balance between patriotism and being too inclusive, and being aware of, sensitive to, and interested in other cultures and assimilation/conformity/mush. And her conclusion is that I just want to see perfect harmony, meaning a utopian and essentially impossible society. I felt that she was almost scolding and discouraging me with what she was saying and yet her tone was warm and she ended with a life lesson in the span of three minutes: embody the change you want to see happen.

How to bridge cultures and how to connect with others who are different from me, who may not share the same language, culture, traditions? I should initiate the introduction. I should be the first to smile, greet, and start the conversation. I should not hold back but put myself out there and go for it in Spanish, whether people look uncomfortable or ignore me or pretend they can’t understand me. I should do it despite awkward moments because I never know when people like Winifer’s mum will respond to me and see that I don’t mean to be intrusive or presumptuous when I start blathering away in Spanish but rather desire to communicate and connect with her on mutual terms of friendship and a love for people. AWESOME.

We then had bible study/prayer time with our small groups (Jonathan, Jen, Lucy, Jason, Sharon, and me). We read through Isaiah 58 three times. I saw how God is rebuking, criticizing and challenging me to go beyond simply the motions and outward appearances to truly have a humble heart and a desire to glorify God. I also thought about why I have trouble with fasting, and how I often only focus on the “not eating” part, when it’s more about remembering God’s providence and faithfulness despite our lack of trust at times.